just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
