What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
