I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
