Me too!
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
