On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
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