I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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