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took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
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