Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.

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  (212): This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING. http://tfl.nu/5495
  Replies (2) Good night (1036) Bad night (1085)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.

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  (406): we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting. http://tfl.nu/a3qg
  Replies (16) Good night (2817) Bad night (2085)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side

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  (425): the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side http://tfl.nu/wowf
  Replies (27) Good night (5487) Bad night (801)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.

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  (661): this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date. http://tfl.nu/1wwe
  Replies (51) Good night (7262) Bad night (1679)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.

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  (785): I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever. http://tfl.nu/2hpf
  Replies (38) Good night (13012) Bad night (1421)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!

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  (518): he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home! http://tfl.nu/koxv
  Replies (12) Good night (3605) Bad night (919)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.

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  (630): don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class. http://tfl.nu/vso9
  Replies (8) Good night (1448) Bad night (3946)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.

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  (816): Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing. http://tfl.nu/pnzr
  Replies (1) Good night (1781) Bad night (589)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night

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  (907): Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night http://tfl.nu/7a8c
  Replies (6) Good night (1273) Bad night (400)
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.

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  (469): Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS. http://tfl.nu/dcv0
  Replies (3) Good night (1491) Bad night (424)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.

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  (+44): Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection. http://tfl.nu/1vl5
  Replies (9) Good night (825) Bad night (294)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.

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  (636): They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited. http://tfl.nu/jbhp
  Replies (0) Good night (647) Bad night (264)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.

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  (850): Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon. http://tfl.nu/pq1b
  Replies (4) Good night (363) Bad night (807)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.

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  (704): If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again. http://tfl.nu/0rol
  Replies (8) Good night (639) Bad night (263)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk

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  (248): His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk http://tfl.nu/d0l5
  Replies (0) Good night (521) Bad night (279)

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