I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go