I wanna bring you to show and tell
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.