things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
