She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
