Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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