If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
