Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
