My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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