I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
