We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
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To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
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P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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