I smell stomach acid.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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