so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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