I just pynch a tree in the face
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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