So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize