I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
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Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
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I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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