filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
