he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
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Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
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I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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