It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
