dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
