Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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