note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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