i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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