We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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