the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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