When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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