After last night, I could never be a politician.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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