So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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