Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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