Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
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I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
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My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
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