C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
