So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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