So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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