Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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