I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Randomize
