went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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