i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
