I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
