quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
