Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
