Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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