They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
