I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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