Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
