Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
