my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Randomize