Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
