The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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