Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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