omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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