So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
