dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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