Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
