Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
