i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You took a bar mat shot.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
