i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
