Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We talked him into tasing himself.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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