Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
